Keva van Halen-berg?

Are Eddie Van Halen and Keva Rosenberg (unemployed person of Robocop fame) one in the same? or is it the less famous Alex Van Halen? Lets examine the facts.

1) They all have winning good looks.
Eddie van Halenkeva rosenbergalex van halen
2) They were all seen in old Detroit in 1987, two of them supposedly on tour, the other sitting in front of a liquor store unemployed, similar? We think so.

3) They have similar views on commerce.

Keva feels that based on his calculated theories, it is technically a free society. Except… He carefully and attentively observes, that no commodity, or amenity that can be bought or sold, such as a Van Halen album, is actually free of charge. He theorizes that this is due to there being no guarantees in life. In wrapping up Keva thinks that we are on our own. And It's really just the law of the jungle.

Eddie feels that you should buy his new album, A Different Kind of Truth, which also is not free in this society, but oddly enough sounds like something Keva might say.

Alex is just glad he’s not Michael Anthony.

Can we ignore the cold hard fact that, just like the Van Halen brothers, Director Paul Verhoeven is Dutch? I don’t think we can. Is it some kind of Dutch conspiracy to hide the true identity of Keva Rosenberg-speaker for the people, from us? We here at WSMR are dedicated to uncovering the truth for you.

Neither Eddie or Alex have not been available for a comment…

..but here is Keva’s official statement.

-- Max Heller