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    Eaten Alive (1977)
    Director: Tobe Hooper
    Starring: Robert “fuckin’ FREDDY” Englund and Marilyn “Chainsaw’s Sally” Burns and a bunch of other people
    This movie is: Crap... no, really

    From most of the creative gang behind Texas Chainsaw Massacre (and being possibly one of Tarantino’s “influences”), this one is just awful. Not even “so bad it’s good” awful, just boring, awful, unpleasant and un-engaging. Filled with unlikeable characters in disjointed scenes. 30 minutes in, the Doc wondered if there was something better he could be doing with his time... like watching Texas Chainsaw. -- Dr. Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: Anything else you’ve ever thought about shutting off half an hour into it... I dunno... I’d prescribe Maniac as a cure.

    1out of 5 stars (ONLY for a scene featuring a tug-of-war over a victim, between a giant-ass crocodile and a giant-ass scythe. 20 seconds of fun amongst 90 minutes and 40 seconds of rubbish)

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    Comments (1)

    WilliamRah May 26, 2016 11:39 pm

    Appreciate you sharing, great forum.Much thanks again. Alejandra

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    Elysium (2012)
    Director: Neill Blomkampt
    Starring: Matt Damon, that South African Charlto guy
    This movie is: Not what I hoped.

    2 hours of poor people whining about health insurance. -- Max Heller

    Pairs well with: Obamacare website woes.
    No shit: More plot holes than a colander

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    The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
    Director: Irvin Kershner
    Starring Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher
    This movie is: Classic, Sci-fi

    How much sweet ass shit can we pour into one movie? A little green Buddha, space pimp Lando Calrisian, Boba Fett, George Lucas not directing. . . The list of reasons to love this movie is long enough to give you a “force boner”. -- Mick Finnegan

    Pairs well with: A New Hope and Return of the Jedi (just try to ignore the Ewoks)

    No shit: Harrison Ford ad libbed the famous “I know” line when he’s about to get frozen in carbonite. George Lucas wanted the director to reshoot it so he would say “I love you too” instead. Lucas just doesn’t get that shit like that is what makes Han Solo cool.

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    Comments (3)

    Johnny Nogerelli February 28, 2012 4:04 pm

    Wasn't a fan of this movie as a kid, but I certainly appreciate it now. Almost makes me want to join the dark side...

    Max Heller February 29, 2012 1:33 pm


    Darth Vader February 29, 2012 2:52 pm

    About fucking time Johnny. We've been waiting a long time.

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    Equilibrium (2002)
    Director: Kurt Wimmer
    Starring: Christian Bale, Taye Diggs
    This movie is: Action, Sci-fi

    For those of us who really liked the book 1984, but thought, "You know what this story needs? Martial arts gunfighting," now you have your solution. Christian Bale stretches himself as the gravelly voiced priest who guns people down and is prone to sudden violent outbursts. A cool, futuristic action flick that manages to have a good story as well. Use it to cleanse the bad taste the Matrix sequels left in your mouth. -- Leslie Down

    Pairs well with: The Matrix, 1984

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    Comments (1)

    TheErikWilliams July 6, 2013 4:50 pm

    Gun kata. I'll say no more.

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    Escape From L.A. (1996)
    Director: John Carpenter
    Starring: Kurt Russel, Steve Buscemi, Pam Grier
    This movie is: A sorry ass sequel

    Stinks like Thursday’s underwear, but it’s still kinda Snake Plisken. -- Andy "Action-slacks" McGillicuddy

    Fuck this shit!

    Pairs well with: NO ESCAPE (1994), GHOSTS OF MARS (2001)

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    Escape from New York (1981)
    Director: John Carpenter
    Starring: Kurt Russell, Donald Pleasance, Lee Van Cleef
    This movie is: Action, Sci-fi, Classic

    Before John carpenter started jumping sharks for pay checks he made good movies. He made a movie about a badass with an eyepatch trying to break into a super-prison on what used to be New York's, Manhattan Island. In our old future, the dystopia of 1997. Donald Pleasance is the British president of the United States, who's plane Air Force One, crashed in New York City. Kurt Russel,( in above said eyepatch, city camo, and machine gunned out), is charged with rescuing him in 24 hours, or a bomb in his neck will explode. Cannibals live in the sewers. Isaac Hayes makes a guest appearance as The Duke of New York. Top it all off with a thumping John Carpenter keyboard score. If any of this sounds rad, this movie is for you, and your welcome. -- Leslie Down

    Pairs well with: Metal Gear Solid, a game that basically ripped off this plot.

    Does not pair well with: The awful god-forsaken sequel that Carpenter phoned in for a few bucks.

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    Comments (3)

    Anonymous February 28, 2012 9:57 am

    shot in st. louis and detroit, wasn't it?

    Max Heller February 29, 2012 1:32 pm

    St. Louis sounds right. Its been a while since I heard the commentary.

    Andy "Action-slacks" McGillicuddy March 3, 2013 8:02 pm

    You are the Duke of New York, A-fuckin’-number-one-fuckin’ YEAH!


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    Evil Dead (2013)
    Director: Fede Alvarez
    Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez
    This movie is: Gory as fuck, Remake

    Whoa, whoa, hold on a minute there. This might very well be the best remake ever made…aside from the first half of Evil Dead 2 of course. It's packed full of whatchawant in an Evil Dead movie. See it with screeching girls who have absolutely NO IDEA what they are getting into and you will revel in its cringe worthy glory -- Max Heller

    No shit: Look for tons of nods to the original, everything from characters clothing, to the Olds 88 rotting away in the backyard.

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Evil Dead II (1985)
    Director: Sam Raimi
    Starring: Bruce Fucking Campbell
    Rarely, but sometimes: The remake really IS better than the original

    A quasi remake of the original Evil Dead, Sam Raimi infuses comedy with the classic “Cabin in the Woods” horror movie formula. This is the apex of the comedy/horror mashup: delivers genuine slapstick laughs without detracting from the terrifying nature of an unseen evil monster living in the basement. More than anything, this is the reason Bruce Campbell is a cult movie legend. -- Leslie Down

    No Shit: This movie includes70% fewer tree rape scenes than the original.

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    Exit Through the Gift Shop (2010)
    Director: Banksy
    Starring: Bansky, Space Invader, Shepard Fairey, Thierry Guetta
    This Movie Is: Documentary, subversive

    An inside look at the street art movement; from dudes getting chased by the cops for vandalizing public property to those same dudes making millions of dollars at art shows. This doc is a good ride and has a sneakily subversive side – most artists have two middle fingers, after all. – Mick Finnegan

    Pairs well with: Punk rock shows, skateboarding videos and anything else where counterculture gets the last laugh.

    No shit: There is a lot of speculation, but Banksy’s true identity has never been revealed.

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    Comments (1)

    Max Heller September 9, 2012 2:53 pm

    I watched this streaming. Brilliant! I had been avoiding this because I thought it was that Steve Martin movie Giftshop girl or whatever the fuck that's called.

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    The Exorcist (1973)
    Director: William Friedkin
    Starring: Linda Blair, Ellen Burstyn, Max von Sydow
    This movie is: Horror, Awesome, Classic

    Possesed spider baby Reagan pisses, vomits, and generally fucks mom's house and life UP!!! Head spins, bed shakes, the power of Christ compels YOU! Von Sydow doesn't win a grammy for another 30+ years. I'm not sure why, but I loved this. -- @Captain Howdy

    Pairs well with: Exorcist 3 (which is a direct sequel) forget Exorcist 2

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    Comments (3)

    Max_Heller March 9, 2012 10:12 pm

    Very nicely done Captain! I love that von Sydow hasn't won a grammy for 30 years. CLASSIC!

    MIck Finnegan March 9, 2012 11:48 pm

    One of the best. And proof positive that Max Von Sydow has always been an old man, even when he was a young man.

    Horrorfan 13 July 29, 2012 10:40 am

    Wahoo! This movie Rules!!!! They don't make them like this anymore, now its all found footage, bad camera jumps and bullshit.

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    Expendables 2 (2012)
    Director: Simon West
    Starring: The coolest badasses on planet earth
    This movie is: Explody, Nostalgic goodness, Whatchawant

    It looks like Christmas came early this year. The bad guys are BAD (and soupy when they come apart) The good guys are GREAT (and old when you're in too close). This movie is exactly whatchawant and exactly what you were hoping it would be. This movie is for MEN, when you buy the unrated special edition blu-ray it should come in an ammo crate with coupons for free steak dinners and hand jobs. For a complete day go to the gun range after you see it. The ghost of Lee Marvin would approve. The credits at the end should have simply read "Your Welcome." -- Max Heller

    Pairs well with: The Dirty Dozen, Invasion USA, Hard Target, Die Hard, Rambo, Commando

    No Shit: The ghost of Lee Marvin would approve.

    Lock and Load

    Comments (1)

    Dr. Phil Muhgraven September 1, 2012 5:59 pm

    This flick has a PhD in ass-kicking. Bigger and better than the first one (which was great medicine itself). It's a simple formula, which when done right, is a prescription for a great time... this one does it RIGHT.

    4.5 stars- perfect cure for "Marvellitus".

    On another note, I concur that the credits should have just read "Your Welcome", as at the end, the good Doc just sat in amazement thinking THANK you awesome movie... THANK YOU.

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    Extreme Prejudice (1987)
    Director: Walter Hill
    Starring: Nick Nolte, Powers Boothe, Michael Ironside, Clancy Brown, Rip Torn, William Forsythe, Tommy ‘Tiny’ Lister
    This movie is: Underrated, kickass

    80’s modern western with bunch of badasses, guns, balls and Maria Conchita Alonzo. --Andy "Action-slacks" McGillicuddy

    Pairs well with: CON AIR (1997), THE EXPENDABLES (2010)

    This is great shit.

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    Comments (1)

    TheErikWilliams July 6, 2013 4:52 pm

    If your nuts haven't dropped by the end of this movie, start wearing a dress and blowing dudes under bridges for free.

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    Fantastic Four (2005)
    Director: Tim Story
    Starring: Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Ioan Gruffudd
    This Movie Is: Comic Book, Crappy, CGI-full

    Stan Lee’s nickname for the Fantastic Four was “The FF”. Coincidentally that is what grade I would give this piece of garbage. Double F. "Fucking Failure". -- Mick Finnegan

    Pairs Well With: A remote control and seeing what else is on TV

    No Shit: Chris Evans plays the Human Torch in this movie and Captain America in The Avengers. That the kind of stuff that drives Marvel Comics nerds crazy.

    Tagline was: Prepare for the fantastic.

    Tagline should have been: Prepare for the mediocre.

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    Comments (1)

    Max_Heller June 23, 2012 12:52 pm

    Fantastic Snore

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    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)
    Director: Tim Story
    Starring: Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Ioan Gruffudd
    This Movie Is: Comic Book, Crappy, Sequel, CGI-full

    What?! Another one? The FF again? Someone should punch these producers in their “Fucking Face”. Twice. -- Mick Finnegan

    Pairs Well With: Sticking your hand on a hot stove, Hooking up with your psycho ex girlfriend/boyfriend - basically doing anything where you should really know better.

    No Shit: Doug Jones, who plays the Silver Surfer, is a favorite of Guillermo Del Toro and featured in Pan's Labyrinth and the Hellboy Movies.

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    Comments (3)

    filmschoolgrad March 7, 2012 4:18 pm

    it's clobberin' time!

    Once bitten March 9, 2012 3:36 pm

    twice bitten FUCK!

    Max_Heller March 10, 2012 5:48 pm

    I love the Pairs well with.

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    Fast & Furious 5 aka Fast 5 aka Manly Explody Car Crusher Extravaganza (2011)
    Director: Justin Lin
    Starring: Paul Walker, Vin Diesel
    This movie is: Surprisingly good, Action, Explody

    BLAMPH!! Thats the sound this movie makes when it slugs you in the stomach with 3,200 pounds of fucking fantastic V-8 fury. I've always felt these movies were a bit of a guilty pleasure, but this one surpasses guilty pleasure and redlines it into "Hey I just got a blowjob in a cherry 68 Charger so fuck you." You know what makes this movie so great? Its fucking real. Most of the car stunts are real and you can tell. It's not 1's and 0's floating on your screen, its metal crushing madness. This movie crushes more metal than Sabbath did in the 70's. The last 20 minutes are so full of testosterone that young boys who saw it in the theater were forced through puberty. I don't so much own this movie as this movie "Owns" me and demands I watch it, or it will take my girlfriend out on a date and get her to do stuff I have only seen online. -- Max Heller

    Pairs well with: Anything thats almost as fast and nearly as furious, like Messerschmitts, Formula 1 cars with spikes on em and Barbarian Hordes

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    Comments (1)

    McCarty13 March 5, 2012 11:04 am

    Oh hell yes! This movie is well worth the price of admission. Love the Pairs well with!!

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    Director: Justin Lin
    Starring: Paul Walker, Vin Diesel
    This movie is: Surprisingly good, Action, Explody

    Its a jackhammer lap dance from a bubble headed blonde who you know isn't that smart, but she loves driving fast and her daddy owns a dealership full of classic fucking muscle cars and she's' got a hot sister who's a wrestler at the tropicana. They like to put on little shows for you while non stop real stunts play in the background on a giant HD screen. --Max heller

    Pairs well with: A Steak dinner and a hand job

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    Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)
    Director: Amy Heckerling
    Starring: Sean Penn, Jennifer Jason Leigh, (.)(.) aka Phoebe Cates
    This movie is: Comedy, High School

    Don't let the fact that this movie appears in "We love the 80's" bargain packs fool you, this is one of the best high school flicks you'll ever see, mainly because it was made back before all teen comedies had to be filmed like Cannibal Holocaust. Also, Nicolas Cage appears in the movie as an extra, making this one of his only good movies to this day. --The Spork Guy

    Pairs Well With: Dazed and Confused, American Graffiti, a cool buzz
    No Dice: Nick Cage almost got a much bigger role in the film, but was denied because he was underage. Thank god.

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    Fido (2006)
    Director: Andrew Currie
    Starring: Kesun Loder, Billy Connolly and Carrie-Anne Moss
    This movie is: a heart-warming zom-com.

    Fido is set in a strange yet colorful 1950s-era reality bordering on the psychedelic where zombies have not only become routine but useful, their nasty habit of eating flesh controlled by electronic collars that modify their behavior. Is there such thing as a charming zombie? Billy Connelly had me nearly convinced. Tim Blake Nelson is also hilarious as the neighbor. Think Leave it to Beaver meets Lassie meets Night of the Living Dead and you've got it about right. - Angela Demonde

    Pairs well with: Shaun of the Dead, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, Zombieland

    No shit: Carrie-Anne Moss was actually pregnant during filming, so they wrote it in as a sub-plot.

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    Comments (3)

    Dick Headly July 29, 2012 10:42 am

    Zombies can be some funny ass fuckers.

    Max Heller August 11, 2012 4:53 pm

    I just saw this the other day based on Angela's review. Nicely done, funny, and Carey-Anne Moss looks hot as a 50's mom!

    Dr. Phil Muhgraven September 5, 2012 6:37 pm

    What a pleasant surprise to see some fresh life twitching in the stale ol' zombie morgue. Unlikely and lots of fun. Billy Connelly turns in a spectacular performance without speaking a word.

    Don't miss this one.

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    Fire and Ice (1983)
    Director/Writer: Ralph Bakshi
    This Movie Is: Adult Cartoon, Fantasy, Adventure

    The title says it all. There is fire and there is ice. Coming in a close second as titles for this movie would be "Get Em!" There is a lot of "get em!" action. Bakshi makes another YES album cover come to life in this classic tale of Good vs. Evil. Lots of fighting and sorcery.
    Favorite Quote: "Nekron brings the cold."
    Yes. He. Does. --Filmschoolgrad

    No Shit: Thomas Kinkade worked on this project as one of two background painters.

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    The Fly (1986)
    Director: David Cronenberg
    Starring: Jeff Goldblum, Geena Davis
    This movie is: Probably one of the best horror movies evah.

    Yeah, David Cronenberg. Yeah, body horror. Got it. No, no you don't. Because this is where Cronenberg punched the mainstream in the face and said, "Behold, I am fucked up and so are my films, but in a cool way." Look, you know the story. Boy meets girl. Boy experiments with teleportation. Boy accidentally splices his DNA with a fly's. Boy knocks up girl with spliced DNA. That old chestnut of a trope. But with Cronenberg, you know you're going to get some freaky deaky body horror. And boy howdy, do you. Two words: maggot birth. Two more words: Brundle Fly. Two more words: corrosive vomit. Last two words: Eating vomit. What more do you want? -- TheErikWilliams

    How many stars: Four. Would be Five but I hate Geena Davis. Gotta stick to principles.

    Tagline was: Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.
    Tagline shoulda been: Always Be Afraid of Jeff Goldblum, but especially in this Flick.

    No shit: It was produced by...Mel Brooks. WTF?
    Pairs well with: Doughnuts; Arm Wrestling; Airline Vomit Bags; All things Cronenberg (except A Dangerous Method)

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    Comments (1)

    Max_Heller October 6, 2012 10:37 am

    Oh, that old chestnut of a trope.

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    Flypaper (2011)
    Director: Rob Minkoff (The Lion King, Stuart Little)
    Starring: Patrick Dempsey, Ashley Judd
    Writer: Jon Lucas (The Hangover, The Change-Up)
    This movie is: Twisty

    Three heists and a who-done-it walk into a bank. If you like twists, watch this star studded bomb. You'll NEVER EVER see it coming. There were more twists than a... roll of flypaper. UGH! I just didn't care after about the fifth time they made me guess wrong. --Filmschoolgrad

    No Shit: Cost 5 million to make. Grossed a thousand bucks opening weekend.

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    The Fog (1980)
    Director: John Carpenter
    Starring: Adrienne Barbeau, Jamie Lee Cutis, Hal Holbrook
    This movie is: Passable

    Not bad but not good. Passable but easily forgettable. I like to consider this Carpenter's post-Halloween cool-down and pre-Escape from New York and The Thing warm-up. It's got some moments but when you ultimately realize it's about 100 year-old-dead leper mariners looking for their gold and exacting revenge, you kind of go, "Huh, well that's dumb." --TheErikWilliams

    Tagline was: What You Can't See Won't Hurt You...It'll Kill You!
    Tagline shoulda been: Meh. Fog.

    No shit: Carpenter had way to much fun with names in this one, with characters named Dan O'Bannon, Mr. Machen, and Dr. Phibes. Oh, and there's an Arkham Reef.
    Pairs well with: Moisturizer and boobs. But not in that order, necessarily.

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Frailty (2001)
    Director: Bill Paxton
    Starring: Bill Paxton, Matthew McConaughey
    This movie is: Horror

    What's more horrifying than a serial killer running around with an axe and chopping up innocent Texans? Bill Paxton playing the axe wielding father, trying to convince his 2 pre-adolescent sons to help him. "Frailty" is a good movie, and one that is rare in Hollywood these days. The movie is spooky, enthralling and forces a complete suspension of disbelief to follow it along. Bill Paxton plays a completely credible crazy father and biblical lunatic charged with ridding the world of "demons." Do watch if you want an original take on horror that will have you guessing to the very end. Don't watch if the sight of Paxton wielding an axe while stating "We're on a mission from God" will upset you. -- The Movie Buff

    No shit: Bill Paxton both directs and stars in this movie.
    Pairs well with: "The Blues Brothers." They were on a mission from God too, don't you know.

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    Comments (3)

    Mick Finnegan December 18, 2012 8:19 pm

    I really enjoyed this movie, but 5 stars? Five? Its as good as "Jaws" and "Apocalypse Now"? Not a chance. Still good times though. The old Dungeons and Dragons part of me enjoyed how much Bill Paxton talked about "magic weapons".

    Max_Heller December 19, 2012 12:44 am

    I feel the urge to "like" the above comment. (rolls a 20) Liked!

    Horrorfan 13 May 27, 2013 1:19 am

    I woulda played DnD but I was too busy fingerin bitches in my hatchback. Hell Yeah!

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Friday the 13th (2009)
    Director: Marcus Nispel
    Starring: some Canadian TV actor kids and somebody as Jason
    This movie is: crappy for a remake, crappy for a reboot, crappy for a sequel... no, really... it’s even crappy for a Friday flick

    This movie shows a lot of promise up until the opening titles. -- Dr. Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: getting mugged by a friend, probably with the Halloween and Elm Street remakes, but the Doc wouldn’t know...

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    Comments (1)

    Max_Heller October 13, 2012 2:55 pm

    Ha! best review ever!

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Friday the 13th (1980)
    Director: Sean S. Cunningham
    Starring: Kevin Bacon in one of his first roles
    This movie is: Still a solid flick... no, really

    The original- a whodunit with great gory kills. No hockey mask, and Jason is only seen in a brief flashback (and one other quick flash). Likeable-enough characters, keeps you guessing and is anatomically correct. A direct cash-in on Halloween, it was Friday’s splatacular approach that launched decades of sequels and imitations- even the second Halloween quickly adopted Friday’s graphic M.O. -- Dr Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and A Nightmare on Elm Street (1985)- I wore out a video tape with all three of these on it when I was just a wee little Doc

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Friday 13th Part 2 (1981)
    Director: Steve Miner
    Starring: Nobody that lives long enough to learn their names
    This movie is: A fine example of the formula done well... no, really

    Mystery is thrown out the window, but the splat continues. From the opening scenes, we’re told that Jason has arrived, and is out for revenge. Wearing a simple Elephant-Man-potato-sack, he hacks, slices and skewers his way through a great looking bunch of camp counsellors. Great, fun slasher classic. -- Dr Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: Friday Parts 3 and The Final Chapter

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Friday the 13th part 3 in 3D (1982)
    Director: Steve Miner
    Starring: Nobody that acts well enough to learn their names
    This movie is: Not great, even for a Friday flick... no, really

    Part of the last 3D revival (do we have to suffer through these every thirty years?!), this one’s poorly done, with the “actors” more than once looking into the camera to make sure their 3D gag is hitting its mark. This one has Jason acquiring his trademark hockey mask, a few really cools kills and is a necessary bridge for the “living Jason” leg of the series, but it’s pretty dire. -- Dr Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: Friday Parts 2 and The Final Chapter

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    Comments (1)

    Max_Heller October 26, 2012 9:57 am

    This one has one of my Favorite friday kills. Guy walking on hands gets cut in half with Machete and falls towards camera in Glorious 1982 3D.

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
    Director: Joseph Zito
    Starring: Crispin Glover, Corey Feldman (perfectly tolerable without the other Corey there to encourage him)
    This movie is: The DEFINITIVE Jason/Friday flick... no, really

    The Doc’s favourite of the original formula Fridays. Picks up right from the end of Part 3 and introduces the series’ “Van Helsing”, Tommy. We’re treated to one brutal splattery demise after another, all leading to the spectacularly executed and satisfying death of the Big J himself. -- Dr Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: Friday Parts 2 and 3

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Friday the 13th Part V: a New Beginning (1985)
    Director: Danny Steinman
    Starring: A whole slew of fresh machete-fodder... and Corey Feldman for about three minutes (if that’s a drawcard, then make an appointment, and we’ll find out just what’s wrong with you)
    This movie is: Getting better with age... no, really

    Has all the Friday trappings, and one of the highest body counts of the series, but tries to re-introduce the whodunit aspect when all the fans want to see is the “real” Jason doing his thing. Having some random imposter schmuck just doesn’t stack up in the big reveal. -- Dr Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: Friday The Final Chapter, Jason Lives

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
    Director: Tom McLoughlin
    Starring: Thom Matthews from Return of the Living Dead
    This movie is: When Jason becomes a zombie... no, really

    Due to popular demand, Jason’s back as a living-dead, unstoppable killing machine. Too bad the censors and a bunch of goofy humour rob this one of its balls. Fun, but definitely a different direction for the series. -- Dr Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: The New Blood, Jason Goes to Hell, Jason X

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Friday the 13th part VII: The New Blood (1988)
    Director: John Carl Buechler
    Starring: Kane Hodder
    This movie is: One of the Doc’s favourites of the series... no, really

    It’s Zombie Jason versus Carrie in this excellent chapter. The jokiness of Part VI is gone, but the ratings board again excised most of the gore. Still, the kills seem more violent than previous entries, thanks to Kane Hodder’s kick-ass debut performance as the coolest looking Jason ever (the Doc just LOVES that twisted spine). -- Dr. Phil Muhgraven


    Pairs well with: Jason Lives, Phantasm II

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
    Director: Rob Hedden
    Starring: Bottom-feeders of the talent barrel... and Kane Hodder
    This movie is: The worst of the series... no, really (only because the remake is not part of the series)

    Great idea, shit execution. Jason taking Manhattan would be a top-prescribed film indeed... if it ever happened. Nothing to see here... -- Dr. Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: Elm Street 6, Godzilla: Final Wars, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, eating a cardboard box because it once housed a pizza

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    Comments (2)

    The Movie Buff October 27, 2012 1:31 am

    You're right on with shit execution. Imagine the greatness of Jason entering Central Park and just going nuts. "Freddy vs. Jason" hinted at this abandon in the cornfield scene, but for Jason Takes Manhattan - disappointing.

    Horrorfan 13 February 23, 2013 11:16 pm

    I don't know what happened, but that goalie is pissed! Haha Love that corn field scene dude. Classic.

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)
    Director: Adam Marcus
    Starring: Kane Hodder and the guy from the Friday the 13th TV series that nobody watched
    This movie is: An interesting and fun turn for the series... no, really

    SPOILER: Jason is blown to pieces by a S.W.A.T. team before the opening credits. This alone was worth the Doc’s very valuable time (seems like the lawyers want it as much as the patients these days, neither seem to understand HOW many movies I have to watch). Then, Jason takes a backseat as this one becomes The Hidden (1987). Features the first-ever slo-mo-John-Woo-shootout in a Friday film (or ANY American film, that the Doc knows of). Fun characters and a wicked sense of humour make this one highly prescribable. -- Dr. Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: Jason X, The Hidden

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    Stacks Image 6845
    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Freddy VS Jason (2003)
    Director: Ronny Yu
    Starring: Robert Englund as Freddy and somebody as Jason
    This movie is: A guilty favourite... no, really

    The Doc loves this one. After more than a decade since watching either of these characters really do their thing on a big screen, this one was a great nostalgia trip for the Doc. What made it great, was that this time, they do it to EACH OTHER. Both characters are in fine form, and THEY HACK EACHOTHER TO BLOODY BITS. There are some other people in this movie, but the Doc’s never paid them much notice... you won’t either. -- Dr. Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman, King Kong vs Godzilla, Alien vs Predator and any other title you shouldn’t judge too harshly if it was the “vs” that took you there

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    Horrorfan 13 May 27, 2013 1:14 am

    Fire up a bowl bitches this is the shiznit!

    Stacks Image 10694
    Freaked (1993)
    Director: Alex Winter
    Starring: Alex Winter, Randy Quaid, Bobcat Goldtwait, Mr. T
    This Movie Is: The greatest unknown movie ever made. No really!

    If people knew that this movie existed, it would be the most underrated piece of media ever created. A psychotic sideshow ring leader turns unsuspecting idiots into Freaks. The amazing practical effects and Police Academy amount of comedy will baffle you at how this movie does have the same size fan base as Evil Dead or Clerks. -- The Spork Guy

    No Shit: Keanu Reeves provides an uncredited performance as Ortiz the Dog Boy. It is easily the best acting he's ever done. No Really!

    Pairs Well With: The Naked Gun, anything by Adam Mckay or Mel Brooks.

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    Stacks Image 4068
    Fright Night (1985)
    Director: Tom Holland
    Starring: Chris Sarandon, Roddy McDowell, William Ragsdale
    This movie is: Horror, Classic

    What do you do if a blood-sucking sexual predator moves in next door, starts hitting on your girlfriend and no one believes you? Ask the old washed-up B-movie actor who just lost his job hosting local late-night horror television. Duh.
    But seriously - Fright Night has everything you need to make a great '80s teen horror flick. Think John Hughes meets John Carpenter. Horny teenagers? Check. Deliciously horrific pre-CGI blood and gore? Check. Devilishly handsome vampire? Check. I mean c'mon: Chris Sarandon is so hot in this movie I would even overlook the ghoulish finger extensions and '80s fashion sense for a piece of that action.
    - Angela Demonde

    No shit:
    During the end of the film as Roddy McDowell stands over the naked dead character of Evil, you can see he has a fondness for young naked boys…you can see it in his crotchal region. Seriously pause the film and see for yourself. Ewwwww!

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    Max_Heller May 5, 2012 11:48 pm

    Roddy checked me out in a mens room in Hollywood once. I kinda felt honored.

    Stacks Image 8403
    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
    Director: Robert Rodriguez
    Starring: George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino, Harvey Keitel
    This movie is: Exploitative Fun

    This is really two movies packed into one. The first part is Bad Guys run for the border. The second part is Bad Guys fight the vampires. Both stand up well and the second part would be terrible without the first but it should also be noted that the vampires come out of FUCKING NOWHERE! And that's okay because it's an exploitation movie. Good stuff. Oh, and probably one of the best openings in movie history. Love the liquor store scene. --TheErikWilliams

    Tagline was: Too long to even mention here.
    Tagline shoulda been: The Titty Twister: If it sounds too good to be true, it's probably full of fucking vampires.

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    Stacks Image 9464
    Fundamental (2012)
    Bill Hunt
    Starring: A bunch of New Zealand unknowns who probably did it for free... and Lawrence Makoare - the badass orc in FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING and “Mr. Kill” in that Bond movie
    This movie is: Better than it should be... no, really

    In a time when $30million is considered “low-budget”, the Doc will cut some slack for a flick that cost $4,700... and is watchable. Unpredictable, blasphemous fun that might even give a few something to think about.

    RECOMMENDED? YES- the do-it-yourself-low-fi feel of this one reminded the Doc of fun times operating without a license... but I’ve said too much. -- Dr. Phil Muhgraven

    Pairs well with: Assault on Precinct 13 , The Man Who Sued God, possibly Red State

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    Comments (4)

    Anonymous January 31, 2013 1:26 pm

    Fantastic story... Better and better with each watch...

    Anonymous January 31, 2013 9:35 pm

    WOW. WTF. What a masterfully done film!! Hollywood take notice, you've been doing it all wrong!

    CautiouslyOptimistic February 28, 2013 7:29 pm

    Where the heck did this movie come from and why the heck haven't i ever heard of it? This movie was well worth the effort, I had no idea people still cared about substance or storylines! Thanks Dr Phil!

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