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  • Stacks Image 4309
    Undead (2003)
    Directors: Michael and Peter Spierig
    Starring: Felicity Mason, Mungo McKay and Rob Jenkins
    This movie is: Australian comedy horror. Warning: soundtrack is heavy on the bassoon.

    If you've ever wondered what zombies have to do with aliens, fish...well then that's a very good question and this one is for you.
    - Angela Demonde

    Pairs well with: Shaun of the Dead, Piranha, War of the Worlds.

    No shit: Undead was the winner of the 'Fipresci Award' at the 2003 Melbourne International Film Festival, "for daring to be everything that Australian films are not supposed to be - part of a popular, disreputable genre. We commend it as an entertainment that is also political, while showing the pleasure of hands-on filmmaking."

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    Max_Heller June 12, 2012 6:36 pm

    Yeah I remember being on board for this movie...for a little while at least, and then at the end I was very confused. The shotgun was pretty sweet though.

    Dr. Phil Muhgraven October 31, 2013 4:50 pm

    The Doc's gotta say, punching zombie fish and a triple-shotgun keep this one on the "good" list.

    *** out of five

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    Underworld: Awakening (2012)
    Director: Mans Marlind, Bjorn Stein
    Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Tight black leather pants
    This Movie is: Action, Horror

    The Underworld movies had been breaking all the rules and getting successively better until this installment. Still, you gotta give it a couple stars just for stitching Kate Beckinsale up in that sweet-tastic action corset once again. -- Mick Finnegan

    Pairs well with: The other, better Underworld movies.

    Tagline was: Vengeance Returns
    Tagline Should have been: Sweet-tastic ass!

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    Stacks Image 9051
    Unknown (2011)
    Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
    Starring: Liam Neeson, January Jones, Aidan Quinn
    This Movie is: Insulting

    Corn? There's fights. There's 'splosions. There's other shit that doesn't matter. Basically, combine Total Recall and Bourne and a bleeding heart vagina and you'd end up with this flick. --TheErikWilliams

    Tagline Was: Take Back Your Life
    Tagline Should Have Been: This Ain't TAKEN

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    Max_Heller January 11, 2013 1:51 pm

    I watched this movie and 5 minutes in I turned to the wife and said "Has there ever been a movie where... (I described the plot that was about to be unfolded to us)happens? She said "yeah I think so."

    File under, Predictable mess

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    The Usual Suspects (1995)
    Director: Bryan Singer
    Starring: Gabriel Byrne, Kevin Spacey, Benicio Del Toro
    This movie is: Drama, Thriller

    Back in the 90's it seemed like every movie about criminals was trying to copy Quentin Tarantino's films. Not this one. The Usual Suspects is a caper pic with some hardboiled heritage, an all star cast, and Keyser Soze - one of the most unforgettable onscreen badasses of all time. -- Mick Finnegan

    Pairs well with: Reservoir Dogs

    No shit: John Ottman who composed the score for this movie also did the editing. Hope they got a discount.

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    Van Helsing (2004)
    Director: Stephen Sommers
    Starring: Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckindale
    This movie is: A waste of your time, Action, Horror

    Van Helstink. I wanted to stick my thumbs in my own eyes and gouge them out so there would never be a chance that I might accidentally see this movie again. If your thinking of watching this because you think Kate Beckinsdale is hot and you want to see her prance around all gothic in a tight fitting outfit. STOP! Immediately and re-watch the Underworld movies. -- Max Heller

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    Stacks Image 9951
    Vanishing Point (1971)
    Director: Richard C. Sarafian
    Starring: Barry Newman, Cleavon Little
    This movie is: 70’s action

    Desert car chases, the sheriff from Blazing Saddles and a hot naked hippy chick on a bike.
    This is great shit. -- Andy "Action-slacks" McGillicuddy

    Pairs well with: EASY RIDER (1969), MAD MAX (1979), DRIVE (2010)

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    Max_Heller March 9, 2013 11:12 am

    Bam! Andy! Thats what I'm talking about.

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    V/H/S (2012)
    Director: Like, 10 different people
    Cast: I won’t embarrass them
    This Movie is: Garbage, Horror, A waste of life

    Do yourself a favor and have your grandma shit in your mouth instead.-- Mick Finnegan

    0 stars – fuck this movie

    No Shit: How did these douche bags get funders to back this piece of shit?

    Pairs well with: Watching Girls Gone Wild with your Mom. And you have cancer.

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    Dr. Phil Muhgraven February 28, 2013 8:41 pm

    Director: Several, but if this is the “new wave” of horror filmmakers, then it’s time to close the beaches
    Starring: Nobody I ever want to see in anything again
    This movie is: Unpleasant and boring and not worth your time... no, really

    The Doc was excited about a new horror anthology, especially one that sounds retro-friendly enough to hearken back to the days of VHS tape camcorders! Sadly, no... same old “found footage” shaky-digi-cam crap. In a nutshell, it’s unlikeable, unpleasant, uninteresting characters in unlikeable, unpleasant, uninteresting “twist” scenarios.


    Pairs well with: Probably a lot of the other “found footage” crap the Doc has no interest in seeing. Or, if you like, you could check out some internet terrorist videos if you’re just after a cheap vicarious thrill with better camerawork.
    * out of five stars

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    31DaysOfHELLoween contest submission
    Village of the Damned (1995)
    Director: John Carpenter
    Starring: Christopher Reeve, Kirstie Alley
    This movie: Remake, Horror

    The story follows a whole clique of white-haired hellspawn with who are openly and obviously forcing people to kill themselves with glowy eye rays. Everybody in town knows the kids are evil, but darnit, they just can’t prove it. Not scary, but imagining Kirstie Allie as a scientist is pretty entertaining. – Leslie Down

    Tagline was: Beware the children
    Tagline should’ve been: Seriously, fuck those kids
    Pairs well with: Children of the Corn
    Seriously: Kirstie Allie as a scientist

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